Remember my last post about my little friend and his mother's advice?
Well, I continue to find out more and more that just breaks my heart.
When he was acting out yet again (frustrated, refusing to work in a group, etc), we sat down to have a little chat. As I tried to draw him out of his meltdown, he let me see a glimpse into his life. "I don't like to work with groups because I do everything by myself at home. No one ever helps me. My parents told me I was a mistake and that I wasn't even supposed to be born."
Really, Mom, did you think that was a good idea to tell your young son that? Really? I could just slap her.
I can't imagine what life is like for this child as he goes about his days thinking that he shouldn't even be here. He feels he is worth nothing!
Then, I did something totally illegal.
I told him "God doesn't make mistakes." (Yikes! Am I going to get fired for this? That's what I was thinking) "I don't believe in God," he said. As we continued to talk, I tried to choose my words wisely as I attempted to show him the love that I have for him as well as his Heavenly Father, along with his earthly father, with whom he lives. While I'm not sure if I made a difference with this conversation or not, I pray that I can shine a light on all that this child has to live for. I hope that, throught the rest of this year, I am able to help him see that he has much to offer to the world and that the Lord has a special purpose in mind just for him.
Now, it is much easier for me to think about him in this way as I sit at home on my 3-day weekend (yay!) but the hard part is showing the same patience when he continues to be defiant and difficult and disruptive when we go back to school on Tuesday. I count myself blessed to have the opportunity to work with a child in this way, but I have absolutely no idea how I can make even the slightest impression with my little experience and lack of wisdom in teaching and handling children's issues and hurts. Furthermore, I hate that, even knowing his background, he will still make me angry and frustrated and quite possibly ruin many of my days to come.
Ugh, the irony.
This is yet another lesson along this roller coaster of teaching that I have experienced so far this year. It is amazing how much one can learn in such a short amount of time. I also realize more and more that, no matter how long I teach, I will never be prepared for everything that comes my way. The only possible solution is to take it 1 day, 1 week, 1 quarter, 1 semester at a time. It is exhausting. I just had a 4-day weekend last weekend, then a full week of school, and now another 3-day weekend. And I'm still exhausted. I wonder if I will ever feel caught up?
From the wondering mind of,